The show “Lost” is written by Robert Jordan
Back in middle-school something happened that turned me away from Sword-and-Sorcery Fantasy forever. An aunt of mine visited my family and brought with her a bag full of books by a guy named Robert Jordan. The books were, of course, his best-selling Wheel of Time series. You know, the series where every single book is a thousand-page tomb? Because back then I was willing to read just about anything, I began the long trek through the series. The first book was kind of interesting, and so I moved onto the second one. After that I moved onto the third. By the time I got to the fourth, things began to slow down, and I almost didn’t finish it, but because back then I finished almost every book I started (oh, to have that patience now!), I did. By the time I got to the fifth, I read the first sixty or so pages and then chucked the book across the room.
Why? Quite simply, Robert Jordan was a hack. Even my seventh-grade self could realize this. Because he had to make every book a million bajillion pages, he would have all his main characters split up and go on these long journeys. Each chapter he would switch from character to character and write ten pages on them even if they were simply stopping in a town to eat. So if you have five characters and each must stop at ten towns before reaching his or her destinations, there’s fifty fucking chapters of them just stopping in towns with absolutely nothing happening. It was just a bunch of filler, and even my read-a-book-every-three-days seventh-grade self couldn’t take it anymore. For those who are still keeping up with the series, I applaud you.
When the show “Lost” came out awhile back, I saw a bunch of my fellow bloggers talk about how great it was. So pretty soon I sat down and watched an episode. I wasn’t amazed (the scenes that were supposed to build in suspense and mystery just merely annoyed me) and didn’t really make an effort to watch anymore.
But now I have a friend who really likes the show, and every now and then whenever I’m over at his place I’ll watch it with him. Since then, what was once a mild “eh” feeling from viewing the show has now turned into a strong dislike. The reason?
I’m utterly convinced that one of the main writers for the show is Robert Jordan.
Just hear me out on this. Here are my main two pieces of evidence:
1. The show has multiple characters with multiple, on-going story lines, and whenever the show is in real-time it basically just switches back and forth between POV every ninety seconds or so. For instance, in tonight’s episode, two of the characters (I don’t know the show well enough to know their names) were traveling to see “The Others” (one of their many mysteries on the show that I guess is supposed to build suspense) and the writers felt the need to keep returning to them so we could see them walking through the brush. I especially loved the scene where the woman found a doll and the guy magically knew that if you picked up the doll then a trap would spring. Ah, yes! He must have been schooled in the ancient African Tribe ritual in which the African natives would capture the white man with the bait of dolls. In fact, it got so bad that European sailors would warn their passengers before they got off the boat to never pick up a doll they find on a path. This technique was used in Vietnam as well, and what the history books won’t tell you is that we lost eight-thousand men to doll mines.
2. THE GOD DAMN FLASHBACKS. All you “Lost” fans reading this: Don’t you realize that you’re basically being duped into watching an extra half hour of the show’s commercials? Does anyone else understand that the long, drawn-out flashbacks are useless at best and could be summed up into a three-minute scene? Instead, what we have are several five-minute long segments detailing every single instance of a character’s life just before he or she got on the plane. I swear to God if I see one more half-hour-long flashback telling us how two of the characters on the show fell in love, I’m going to scream.
The show tonight was especially bad. Not only did we have to see another series of flashbacks of two characters falling in love before the crash (and their subsequent fall into hardships when the one finds out she has cancer), but we have real-time scenes in which the husband decides to organize a group of people to make a giant SOS sign on the beach in case a plane flies over. WTF? They’ve been on the island for how long and they’re just now getting to this? Didn’t these people every watch Gilligan’s Island or that Tom Hanks movie?
Not only have they not thought about this until now, but when the guy suggests forming a group to make this giant sign, the wife starts to argue with them and somehow convinces the entire group not to help. When he pulls her aside and asks her why she’s doing this, she replies “Because you’re giving them false hope!”
Ah, yes. False hope.
To which I would have screamed “Are you out of your fucking mind????!!!!!1111one” No, that’s not false hope, it’s common sense. When you crash on a deserted island, your first priority is making a sign in case a plane flies overhead. And it’s not even like they have something better to do anyway. They’re trapped on an island for Christ’s sake. Did the group of people have something better to do for the three hours it would have taken to make a large SOS sign on the beach?
Then cue in the rest of the useless flashbacks until we finally find out her real motive: Being on the island has somehow cured her cancer, and she doesn’t want to be saved because she’s afraid she’ll get the cancer back.
Then run us through some corny sentimental scenes in which the husband cries, kisses her, and vows that he will never try to help them get off this island again.
At first I began to hope and pray that they’d kill these characters off at some point in a future episode, but then I figured, “What’s the use?” When you have Robert Jordan writing your episodes for you, there’s always four-hundred other characters to take their place.
–Simon Owens
All of the issues you have with Lost are a direct result of having done no research on what the show is about – ie, you haven’t watched the show. If you had, you’d know that the survivors made an SOS (in the form of a large bonfire) the first night they were on the island. They have also made two rafts (one was mysteriously burned), the other took 4 survivors off the island where they were attacked by the Others. If you had watched any of the shows, you’d also know that the flashbacks are integral to the story on the island. We learn how and why the survivors are what they are. Did you notice that Rose briefly met Locke (the bald guy) in the airport and that Locke was in a wheelchair? Why is that relevant? Watch the episodes and find out that and many other interesting stories, twists and turns that make Lost a great show.
Anon…It was the lil kid who set the first one on fire, IIRC. He doesn’t want to leave the island because his life has been so crazy. Damn, I can’t recall his name. The one kidnapped by the others at the end of last season.
As much as I love the show, I hate it too. I want something to have a conclusion. Anything!
Making a bonfire the first night on the island and making a permanent SOS sign are two completely different things. The fact that they waited this long to do so astounds me. Also, you neglect to explain the logic of the rest of the group for not helping him (when it’s common sense) and her subsequent logic for talking them out of it. There’s a saying in books, movies, and television: “Once your characters stop caring whether or not they get out of the predicament they’re in, why should we care either?”
I never claimed that they didn’t make a raft, dunno why you brought this up.
And I couldn’t disagree with you more that the flashbacks are integral to the plot. I’m not saying that flashbacks are wrong to use in general, but a half hour’s worth of flashbacks is useless and you’re basically being duped into watching an extra half hour of the show’s commercials. Sorry to break it to you.
For instance, why do we have to find out how every single character met and fell in love? The scene where the black woman and the man met while he helped her get her car out of the snow: Why was that needed? Yes, I understand that in order for a couple to get together, they have to meet somewhere, it’s common sense. Imagine if every show in television felt the need to have a flashback in order to explain how two people met? It’d be beyond ridiculous! Not to mention that the meeting scenes are incredibly contrived. The scene where the two asians met in a previous show, after wasting twenty minutes of shoving rich vs. poor sentimentality crap down our throats, the two future lovers run into each other in the park. Then they stare into each other’s eyes and then giggle and then look bashfully at the ground and then look up into each other’s eyes again. THIS IS NOT HOW PEOPLE MEET OR ACT. When I run into a girl I’m attracted to in the park, I either don’t do anything about it, or if I’m feeling particularly brave, I actually start talking to her. We don’t stand there staring at each other for five minutes, giggling bashfully and gazing into each other’s eyes without speaking.
Then later in the most recent episode, we have one whole flashback scene in which they’re standing outside the magical healer’s house, and then a break away to real time, and then a break back to yet another scene in which she’s in the house. You don’t think that this use of flashbacks is kinda obsessive? You don’t think they could have rolled those two scenes into one? You don’t think that the husband would have noticed that his wife was still dying months before she actually did die?
C’mon, is every “Lost” fan taking crazy pills or something?
God, just pointing out the millions of flaws in this show make me dislike it even more.
Roni:
The kid’s name is Walt.
Simon:
The novel approach to the show was great in the beginning, but it wears off pretty quicky once you realise that all the producers are doing is fucking with your mind…It’s like a running bet to see how long they can twist people’s emotions and expectations and then totally not deliver on them (witness the first season’s ending, and checkout what’s gonna happen this season).
Wonderful story, and damn, they put on a good show.
But it’s still fuckin with our heads in the end
Your analysis is akin to me walking into a movie half-way through and saying that the movie’s storyline or storytelling technique makes no sense because I missed the setup. But I feel you on the Robert Jordan stuff. He was a hack.
I also don’t get what you mean about the flashbacks being commercials? They change the storyline by giving you insight into the character’s intentions. Yes, they do it in a typical set-up/switcheroo dynamic, but it’s a very clever idea to start the story at the crash, allow you to make assumptions about characters, and then switching everything up by showing you that things are not what they seem. Also, the flashbacks show that the characters were connected, even in ways they did not know.
Final thought: You chose the #1 worst episode to stumble upon. The love story there was contrived, and so far has done little but confirm the fact that there are healing properties on the island. But if you are/were a sci-fi fan, start the show from the first episode and you’ll be hooked.
With series in general, whether written or on television, you’re either going to like the characters and be thrilled by any and all details about them, or soon find the series tedious. A show like ‘Lost’ has aspects of ‘Twin Peaks’ to it, the first TV-series I eventually started to hate and then stopped watching as soon as I realized David Lynch just likes to jerk his audience around.
Simon – although you have written off Fantasy, I still feel compelled to recommend George R. R. Martin’s series, A Song of Fire and Ice. The first three novels in the series are stunning, although, admittedly, there is a lot of the POV-switching going on.
[...] Posts: The show “Lost†is written by Robert Jordan, Real-life Simpsons SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Must resist desire to make ‘Saved by the [...]