UPDATE: International Delete Your Myspace Account Day is finally here!
That’s it, I’ve had it. After months of only visiting my myspace profile in order to delete spam friend requests from half-nude women, I’ve reached the end of the line.
The other day I received an email from Myspace announcing something semi-relevant: “One of your friends is having a birthday this week.”
Intrigued for once, I actually opened the email to find out who was having a birthday, and was met with this:
Visit Myspace to find out who? No, I’m not going to fucking visit Myspace to find out who, there’s absolutely no reason why I should have to visit the website, wait for it to load because of the excessive banner ads, and then log in just so I can find out who is having a birthday. If you’re going to take the time and energy to spam my inbox with the message, then you can tell me in the email itself whose birthday it is.
I’ve been thinking about deleting my Myspace account almost since the day I got it but always opted out of doing so because of the few friends I have who don’t have Facebook accounts. But by remaining on Myspace, I realize, I’m becoming an enabler. I’m giving those friends no reason to switch over from Myspace by giving them access to my Myspace profile.
But rather than deleting my account right away, I’m going to hold off until January 30th so that other people have time to join me. I’d love to see a large number of people delete their accounts all at once in order to send Myspace a message: your website sucks.
So, if you’re reading this and you’ve experienced any of the things on the list below, your account may be in need of deletion:
1. You rarely log in to Myspace except to delete spam friend requests from nude webcam girls.
2. You spend five minutes writing a wall post only to hit an error message when you try to post it because of all the website glitches.
3. You’re a girl who constantly gets marriage proposals from random men in the middle east.
4. You visit someone’s Myspace profile only to suddenly have music start blasting out of your speakers. Bonus points if it happens to you while you’re at work.
5. You have to make redundant clicks to perform simple tasks because Myspace keeps taking you to advertisement pages where you have to click on “return to myspace profile” in order to continue what you’re doing.
6. You visit someone’s profile only to have your eyes bleed because of terrible page layout with non-matching designs and font colors.
7. Your experience is hindered because of intrusive banner ads that either talk to you or try to reach out and block your view of what you’re trying to look at.
8. You read yet another news account about how some child predator using Myspace has abducted a little girl or that some hoax myspace account has caused a teenager to commit suicide.
9. You’re frustrated with the fact that Myspace doesn’t allow you to post your contact info, meaning to contact someone you can only use Myspace’s glitchy Instant Messenger, message/email system, or wall commenting.
10. You’re tired of seeing Tom stare out at you from millions of friends lists and just wish he would change his fucking profile picture.
Have any of these things happened to you? Well you’re the perfect candidate for Myspace deletion. Join me on Wednesday, January 30th by deleting your Myspace account. You won’t regret it!
UPDATE: A commenter was kind enough to create a facebook group devoted to International Delete Your Myspace Account Day.
UPDATE 2: A Myspace spokeswoman has responded to International Delete Your Myspace Account Day.
UPDATE 3: If any journalists or bloggers would like to interview me about International Delete Your Myspace Account Day, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for additional contact info.