Bloggasm

Still think that traditional journalism isn’t needed, that it’s a good thing that Sampson, his hair regrown, has uprooted the pillars of the journalistic temple, burying all beneath its ruins? Then answer me this: Who will warn you that your 16-year-old daughter has just asked her boyfriend via text message to “fuck me like the whore I am.” Because I don’t see any bloggers coming to your nubile child’s aid.

My Fox Atlanta decided that it needed to report the “Top 50 Text Acronyms Parents Should Know,” and included a list of acronyms that nobody but phone sex operators should know.

These acronyms include:

6. 1174 = Nude club

12. DUM = Do You Masturbate?

13. DUSL = Do You Scream Loud?

16. FMLTWIA = F*** Me Like The Whore I Am

17. FOL = Fond of Leather

18. GNOC = Get Naked On Cam

23. ILF/MD = I Love Female/Male Dominance

45. Q2C = Quick To Cum

Can we have an awards ceremony specifically for Best Craigslist Ads?

Sigh. I knew I should have stayed in advertising.

So really, I was assigned a story for a (non-smut) mag to watch and rate two people having sex. None of my friends will do it–and I don’t think I’d want to see that anyway–so here I am, trolling Craigslist’s casual encounters with the hopes of finding a normal, heterosexual couple who would be willing to get it on in front of me.

The couple will be completely anonymous in the story (unless they WANT to be ID’d/photographed), and I will not be participating nor doing this to get my rocks off. After all, I am a professional journalist…who isn’t paid nearly enough.

Ideally, you and your partner will be somewhat new to boffing each other and not total exhibitionists, although at this point, I’ll take what I can get. Also, I’m looking to set this up for Monday or Tuesday night, if possible. And I WILL expect to meet somewhere in public first, so I can rule out whether you’re the kind of people who might want to chain me up in your rape room and anally violate me with my tape recorder. (Please don’t be.)

So wanna screw in front of a reporter? Holler.

Here are some media-related links for your perusal:

1. I’m posting this one just for the headline: Gay Porn Twins Arrested for Robbery Spree

2. Here’s a brilliant smack-down of Ben Stein’s silly documentary arguing against evolution. The best part is the retelling of how the movie reviewer was invited to the screening and then showed up after they tried to take away his invitation.

3. Well, I was as surprised as any to see that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales was dating the Canadian hot female version of Godhatesfags leader Fred Phelps. But before I even got a chance to post about it, they broke up and their online cyber sex leaked onto the internets.

4. Amazon was among the first to create a “if you bought this item you might also like this item” feature. Netflix has taken it to a whole new level by creating a contest with a million dollar prize for the person or team that improves its recommendation system by 10%. Though many of those in the lead are mathematicians, a retired psychologist may take home the prize.

5. Apparently the title “Washington Post Media Critic” is a code phrase that means right-wing blogger.

6. You know you’ve read one of these NY Times articles. The journalist points out a “growing trend” that you didn’t know existed. Sometimes it just gets ridiculous.

7. Blogging is good for your social life.

And then finally, posted without comment:

I’ve noticed for some time now that most media writers ignore the pornography industry completely, even though it makes up a sizable portion of most kinds of media — internet, film, DVD, magazines,television, books. I think that this is a mistake, since an industry that large probably has an influential effect on other kinds of media. Media writers simply pretend that it doesn’t exist.

So in 2008, I intend on covering the industry more often. Certainly not all the time, and this isn’t going to become an X-rated blog or anything…I’ll keep it tasteful. But I think it would be silly to focus so much on online media while simply ignoring all the sex-related google search terms that bring people to this blog.

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Related posts:
1. Lawmakers want to take porn away from sex offenders
2. Porn really does bring in more search engine traffic

Nothing I’ve read about Second Life has enticed me to try it out. But over at Wired, I read that Christian missionaries are entering it to try and create converts. But the journalist brings up a good point: If you manage to convert, are you converting the avatar to Christianity or the person behind it?

I love the closing paragraph:

And if you meet someone who appears to be a half-naked woman, have a long talk about God’s plan, and come back in a month to find them dressed as a nun, well, it’s possible that you had such an effect on them that they immediately joined a convent that gives novices internet access, but it seems more likely that you just convinced them to switch fetishes.

Perhaps my most famous bloggasm article to date is my “Your chances of getting laid through Craigslist” piece, in which I made up a bunch of fake casual encounters ads and placed them on craigslist to see how many responses each would get. I was reminded of this study today when I read “Married Man Seeks Same for Discreet Play” in New York. It details the life of a closeted gay man with a wife and child who uses Craigslist every week to meet other gay men anonymously.

This is pretty impressive, Myspace has managed to remove nearly 30,000 registered sex offenders from the website. I’m not quite sure, however, what keeps them from just creating new profiles under different names.

I found it humorous in the above-linked article how the writer tries to tie sex offenders to the rise of online pornography:

The MySpace sex offenders figure was released as pornography is flooding the American culture. According to comScore Media Metrix, more than a third of the U.S. Internet audience visited sites that fit into the online “adult” category. And 44 percent of males ages 18-34 say viewing pornographic material is morally acceptable, a 2006 Morality in Media study found.